FourPointers

Over at RealGM, yet another comedic gem by the poster known as OneAnswer. I can’t say much more than that — you have to read it for yourself.

Only in Japan: Game maker Atlus said on Tuesday that it would remove 150 Arm Spirit arm-wrestling machines from Japanese arcades after three players broke their arms while wrestling with the machine’s mechanized appendage. There are so many precious goodies in this story, not excluding the following nugget:

Arm Spirit, which is only distributed in Japan, lets gamers advance through 10 levels battling, among other opponents, a French maid, a drunken martial arts master and a Chihuahua before reaching the final showdown with a professional wrestler.

I mean, who wouldn’t want to get their arm yanked off by a chihuahua? Sounds like good clean family fun to me.

Say it ain’t so. Just when you thought the Nats couldn’t possibly sink any lower, now we’ve got LOLNats.

I don’t think there’s anything possibly more entertaining in baseball than watching a pitcher obliterate 17 - seventeen! batters. Weep, Rangers fans. Weep.

Dan Patrick (formerly of ESPN fame) has a new web site. And it’s actually awesome. In an ubercool sort of way. He’s got a blog too.

The Sports Hernia finally offers us a fresh take on David Beckham, Mr. Man Hype of the Moment:

“I had no idea what the hell was going on,” said knowledgeable fan Ed Ryerson. “I mean, the soccer ball isn’t orange, is it? I asked the guy next to me if this was some new Nike ball they just developed. But it was Becks, so who cares, the guy is cool.”

USC will lose a game at Nebraska. The SEC will show its irrefutable dominance once again. Big 12 offenses will score more points than any other conference. And more.

Oh, and also, condolences to all you Big Ten fans in advance.

CBS 46 in Atlanta reports that if Michael Vick does not reach a plea agreement with federal prosecutors by Friday, a “prominent” teammate of his could be called to testify. According to the ProFootballTalk.com rumor mill, that prominent teammate is none other than DeAngelo Hall, who grew up in the same area and went to college with Vick. Meanwhile, the hearing is tomorrow, and it appears likely that a plea agreement will happen.

Update: I guess Mike is really in all sorts of hot water now, with what is quite obviously the greatest civil lawsuit ever filed against a football player by a South Carolina inmate. Yes, that’s a real, legit lawsuit.

Timmy the kid pleads guilty to felony charges of “conspiracy to engage in wire fraud” and “transmitting wagering information through interstate commerce”, and faces up to 25 years of jail time plus hefty fines. Prosecution says he provided the mob with picks and got paid if they were accurate, and that he also bet on games himself. That’s just about as bad as it gets. You know David Stern is praying this thing blows over before the preseason begins. The way I see it, the NBA’s image problem takes a new turn entirely the moment its referees step back onto a basketball court. These guys are going to be scrutinized like never before, because every fan is going to be curious to (a) see if the officiating has changed for the better/worse from last season, and (b) discover every minute sign of apparent favoritism.

FourPointers is a spinoff of xcomputerman.com, with a decidedly non-tech-oriented slant.

To start with, some shocking news from Slam Online: Drew Gooden’s ducktail is dead! Even more shocking: ESPN hasn’t devoted a 20-minute SportsCenter segment to this earth-shattering event. Yet. Weird. It is the (unbearably long) offseason, after all.

Also, surely this won’t help Shane Battier’s 2016 presidential bid.